This does not mean, however, that any level of acceptance is permissible. You should speak up when a chore is not done or not done right and point out to the person why it is not done properly or how it could be done better – if it is truly a major issue. Making a bed sloppily, for instance, is permissible, while not cleaning a bathroom or dishes in the sink properly is not.

Discretion and letting go are two major skills that as a woman, you have to emphasize when evaluating others’ housework. Understanding and positive reaffirmation are needed to build their confidence that this is something they can do and something that if they do it right, will not take all day. For most men and children, having to pull their own weight around the house is a new frontier, full of scary prospects, such as working when they could be playing or staring at the engine block.

Example:  Here is a reverse example of the information above. Remember how the mother-in-law used to criticize everything that you did from the types of food you ate to your cleaning skills? Remember how effective a “management” method that was for you? Why on earth then would you expect that the same approach would work on your family? By reversing this scenario it becomes easy to see why discretion, in this case, has nothing to do with valor, but plays a major role in getting your family to focus doing a better job at cooking, cleaning, etc.

Week 2 – Becoming a Family Team

Every family, successful or not, is like a football team. Each member of the family has a role to play and in that role, they define other sub-roles. The husband, for instance, might be in charge of making sure all the vehicles are in running order and the lawn is mowed and cared for. Those two roles lead to making sure that all the paperwork for the vehicles is in one location, the garage area is clean and neat and the lawn care tools are clean and stored in an orderly manner.

Children might be responsible for putting their clothes away and picking up after themselves. This leads into picking up common areas and helping clean those areas. This is all a natural progression.

Chore distribution has to be balanced with age and ability. Asking a five year old for instance, to clean the bathroom is usually a prescription for a mess and a formula for a job not done well. There are simply too many aspects of the normal bathroom that could lead into playing in the toilet, playing with water in the tub or sink or messing around with bathroom articles such as shampoo or tooth paste when they should be cleaning. 

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